Do you want it all?
I don’t know what’s happened to me…I’m not who I was, i’m not who I ever wanted to be. I’ve made decisions and done things that a year ago I would’ve never thought of doing. I miss caring about things and I miss wanting to change the world in the slightest way. I’ve become so disenchanted and I really have no one to blame but myself. Okay, there may be a bit of an influence from a few events that have occurred recently but I was already starting to feel it before. I hate myself for the fact that I “hate” most people I come in contact with. I miss wanting to take on the world and getting as much out of it as possible. I still want to do that but my motivation is lacking. I’ve always been a quiet person but not like this. I used to enjoy talking about my theories on life and how I was feeling internally now I physically can’t get the words to come out. A major problem I have is that I always feel like i’ve ruined everything to the point that it can’t be redeemed so I just give up and don’t try to fix it. Later when I actually can’t fix it I realize that I could’ve. I hate that I know this but I still do nothing. I can’t even think straight these days and when I say ” I don’t know.” I genuinely don’t and it sucks. I don’t see why anyone would want any contact with me in any way because I’ll just bring them down with me…
Do you want it all?
I don’t know what’s happened to me…I’m not who I was, i’m not who I ever wanted to be. I’ve made decisions and done things that a year ago I would’ve never thought of doing. I miss caring about things and I miss wanting to change the world in the slightest way. I’ve become so disenchanted and I really have no one to blame but myself. Okay, there may be a bit of an influence from a few events that have occurred recently but I was already starting to feel it before. I hate myself for the fact that I “hate” most people I come in contact with. I miss wanting to take on the world and getting as much out of it as possible. I still want to do that but my motivation is lacking. I’ve always been a quiet person but not like this. I used to enjoy talking about my theories on life and how I was feeling internally now I physically can’t get the words to come out. A major problem I have is that I always feel like i’ve ruined everything to the point that it can’t be redeemed so I just give up and don’t try to fix it. Later when I actually can’t fix it I realize that I could’ve. I hate that I know this but I still do nothing. I can’t even think straight these days and when I say ” I don’t know.” I genuinely don’t and it sucks. I don’t see why anyone would want any contact with me in any way because I’ll just bring them down with me…
Posted 1 year ago Notes
